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    10/12/2009

     

    草地上穿白色棉布裙子的少女会变成学校门口接孩子放学的唠叨女人,也会变成银行门口排队买国债的老太太。
    英俊的王子和美丽的公主也有一天会变成大腹便便的国王和刁钻恶毒的皇后。
    思想中不屑意识中抗拒的东西摆在我面前的时候,我发现我也不能免俗。
    摆一株植物的阳台,牵着大狗在湖边散步……我想嘲笑自己在一所这么现实的学校呆了好几年仍然是这么不现实。
    总希望像大侠一样经历了世间血雨腥风和铁骨柔情,然后归隐山林,琴箫合奏,一曲笑傲江湖。
    每当我犹豫不决的时候都会想起赵敏,她认定心中所爱就不悔改,哪怕为此背叛家庭和民族。我连她十分之一都没有。

    曾经很想很想出国的,两个星期之前为保研报名的事情还和家人争吵,还说不让我尝试一下的话我永远都不会甘心的。
    说完后就嚎啕大哭,发泄出了从准备G就开始积攒的很多辛苦和压力,哭到没有力气再说一个字。
    从那一天之后,开始准备保研的各种材料,咨询老师,寄材料。反反复复,峰回路转,直到坐上火车去南京参加复试。
    却又听到,他们开始后悔,觉得南大不好,还不如出国。
    但这路,却不好再退回来了。
    这一次,只有很少一点眼泪,不会再有声音了。那个考了GT,幻想着新英格兰和五大湖的人仿佛只是很久以前的一个人,她带着梦死去了。现在的这个我,已经说不出来两周之前那样的话了。
    我现在觉得很累,不愿意联系南大的导师,甚至对城市规划都失去了兴趣。
    我觉得我的生命已经停止了,句号已经划上了,我不需要再做些什么了。

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